By JACK C. HALDEMAN HARRY HARRISON

Bill—the excellent Starship Trooper: large, brawny, and brainwashed. Possessor of 2 correct fingers (impressive by way of saluting) and a foot that's threatening to show into whatever extra fitted to being an umbrella stand than something which may be squeezed right into a measurement eleven sneaker.

Bill—a excellent recruit for the great send Bounty, certain for the Chinger warfare and sporting a shipment of as great a firm of homicidal misfits and maniacs as you'll desire to meet open air of a penal complex asylum (which is the place they have simply come from).

Bill, the Galactic Hero—he's again, he is undesirable, and he is approximately to satisfy the main hideous alien lifeform of his complete occupation. He'd do something to avoid wasting his epidermis with no rocking the boat—but mutiny? at the Bounty?

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Extra resources for Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Zombie Vampires

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Just as there are levels of command and responsibility, there are levels of largess, dispensed, of course, by myself. This is absolutely necessary to maintain discipline aboard my ship. You will notice that Mr. Christianson, by virtue of being First Mate, has full access to the condiment tray as well as having wine with his meals. Caine would be eligible for wine, but not condiments, though his metabolism is such that he cannot partake of spirits. Something to do with the effects of alcohol on his circuit boards, I believe.

Sometimes bad things just seemed to happen. Bill kicked open Doctor Hackenslash's door and followed his careening foot into the office. "You could have knocked, Trooper," squealed the doctor from underneath the desk. " "No Chinger in its right mind would give this bowby little post a second glance," said Bill, skidding his foot along the floor to stop its momentum. " said the doctor hopefully, crawling out from under the desk and brushing chunks of the splintered door off his chair. " Perhaps this was because the good doctor possessed a hooter like an anteater, a great flaring, projecting nose with cavernous nostrils, gloomy hair-filled canyons.

Normally a repair bay big enough to hold a small ship, all the equipment had been shoved against the walls, leaving a great expanse of open floor. Open, that is, except for hundreds of beds of green leafy vegetables. " whined Bill. "It's going to be hard for me to move around in there. Gotta clean it out —" "Shut up," Caine suggested. " He led Bill inside. "It's his hobby, and his obsession. " Bill took the leaf out of his mouth and stuck it back in the dirt. "Tastes awful," he said. " "Abelmoschus humungous," said Caine, frowning and patting a little more dirt around the chewed-on leaf.

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